Holding onto the calmness in the chaos
We are in some strange times. It feels so surreal. The even stranger thing was I wished for a break and never imagined I would get one like this. It’s funny when you get what you wish for and then think what next. We have stopped and in some ways allowed for a stall in our lives to our usual norm. Isn’t it amazing I think to myself? Yes it is. Initially I found it hard. I think this was more due to the scares and the news but then I realised the importance of keeping those thoughts and fears to one side and to think what can I actually do with this time. It has been special. I have done things a lot faster than before. My motivation is up. I really want to make my time productive. I have tried to sort things properly. My mind and body was probably crying out for this break, so I think of this period as a blessing in disguise.
I wake up and try and wear something sporty to keep me moving throughout the day. I even wore my uniform a few times last week to try and raise my energy levels up. I’m trying to do what I can. I think if it was a “holiday” I probably wouldn’t have done as much. I feel motivated than ever before that I want to keep myself busy. I thrive off the fast pace normally but I have learned to thrive off calmness instead. In the calmness and stillness there is something so special, a sense of control and peace. There is no need to run around endlessly. I feel happier in general.
If there are goals that one wants to attain it is good time to break it down, for example when cleaning, to think of doing one room a day and doing it properly rather than thinking I have all of this to clean. In the past I often left any sorting out for tomorrow. Tomorrow becomes, next week, and then next month and so on. I think the better way of doing a task at hand when you don’t like to do it is to break it down and spread it during the day rather than thinking I have so much I need to do. In this way I have learnt in that process that is probably a good way to go with my goals. I have to remember to remind myself to take things one step at a time. Baby steps towards several ambitions. Ha Ha! Far too many! The question is what do I want to do next? What is my next adventure? I drive off adrenalin probably not the best for my system but it pushes me to keep going.
I was in a state of panic probably the first 2 days of lockdown but then realised that what is the point in fearing. We need to put fears to one side and focus on what this period of stillness has actually given us. This pause in time has taught me to not worry about tomorrow. It is about what we have today that counts. Gratitude has helped me a lot too. I feel grateful for my friends and family. It is again about being authentic to ourselves among the situations in life and to be true to our self.
To save lives it’s best to stay at home. Every person in the world is affected by what is happening. Never did I imagine that we would come across such a thing in my lifetime. When my parents say old stories about the civil war in Sri Lanka and why they fled. I could not even comprehend what they were going through. This however is not something we can flee from. It is affecting our planet and to save it we have to follow the precautions and advice and stay indoors where possible.
A year that would potentially be engraved in our lifetimes.
The one thing I realised during this time is that I am happy to be given another chance of life but to do it properly. Thank you for this time, a gift for my health, for my body and mind. I am grateful for those around me too. I have realised the importance of family at this time more than ever, and my extended family, my friends. Kannan has escaped Covid 19, lucky him! I wonder what he would have thought about things. I probably would have had his company during quarantine. Kannan is still with me in spirit. I can imagine him laughing at our antics :-)
