How many of you subconsciously or intentionally say the following to yourself? “I don’t want to feel
Life is mix of ups and downs and pain is part of growth. It is often said, “No pain, no gain”. This is something we have to work with on a daily basis as out of 365 days in the year each day is unique with a mix of happiness and sadness. A life without our pains and struggles would be meaningless as life is a journey to discover our true self and to better ourselves along the way. There is strength in pain. Pain helps build resilience and if life was always happy or an easy ride how would we grow as individuals. I started writing this a while ago. I hope you find it useful.
Is empathy a strength or a weakness?
I had been thinking about this recently. I think it’s great being an empathetic person but when it goes too far it can start affecting one’s own mental health. It is important to try and set boundaries with what we feel but this isn’t always easy. Some recent events made me question this as I had fallen victim in feeling too much, so much so that I was not able to help myself. I don’t know if it was the stress of Covid too making things more of a challenge.
Is it better to be sympathetic rather than empathetic? I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer but it depends on how we are made up and how we think maybe. We all try to help people but it should not be at the cost of losing oneself, but when we have been through something similar or someone reminds us of someone it often changes from sympathy to empathy. Sometimes it is important to set a boundary between you and the other person visualising for example a figure 8 going round yourself and the other person setting the boundary; this is Phyllis Krystal method to help set boundaries.
Empathy can be an inborn natural instinct and not necessarily something taught. No one likes to feel pain and in that way people tend to shut themselves off to not feel others pains. However there is strength in being able to listen and trying to understand what the other person is going through. On the contrary, it is important to look out for ourselves too. Sometimes it can feel harmful to our wellbeing in itself. This is complex. We want to help our self and want to help others. It is about having a balance between the two I guess. Sometimes it’s hard to identify where the boundary is too. There are times when you go to help someone and they don’t want that help too.
Is self-care selfish?
I don’t think so. We have a responsibility with our own health and wellbeing. We should do all we can to maintain that at a high standard. We can only help others well if we tend to ourselves first too. Self-care is not selfish. I think it is so important to save yourself before trying save someone else but this isn’t always easy especially when it comes to supporting someone with their emotional needs or supporting a loved one. It is also important to recognise when you can’t do anything more and when you need to ask that person to get professional help or if you need space for your own mental health.
Letting go of the strings
It is not always easy. Sometimes you get reeled in closer especially when someone has been through the same journey as you or that they have had similar life experience. Understanding each other allows us to create more meaningful relationships with family and friends. However we can’t expect everyone to understand where we come from. It is also important to remember that there isn’t a need to be understood. We are all different. Some of us more different than others but being unique and being confident with who you are and the message you want it give the world is so important to help create a new world.
It makes us human to feel both happiness and sadness. They both coexist. Ultimately are we not kidding ourselves? Life is about the balance of both. One cannot exist without other, to know happiness is to know sadness and vice versa otherwise our life experience would be one state of bliss. I guess I have felt this in meditation but ultimately we all seek this happiness.
In every chaos there is a still point. There is a point for finding peace there are means to spread that in every aspect of our lives. It is just about finding it and being able to control and channel that peace to create an abundance.
Where am I now?
Kannan’s 30th birthday was in October and Karmarkshi my niece turned 1 on the same day 9th October 2020. I wonder what could life would have been like if Kannan was here, what he would have looked like, where would he be in life, and what would he be doing? I imagine that he would have grown old with us. He does in a deeper sense. It’s so strange to think that Karmarkshi was born on Kannans birthday, the magic of the universe.
Furthermore recently having lost my Chithappa (my dad’s younger brother). His bereavement brought back memories of our childhood. I guess those memories were very special as it was full of laughter. I wonder if I could create that childlike happiness again at some point. I just have to keep tapping into my inner calm to help in this situation I guess and try to take a carefree attitude and to do what I need to do, to create the happiness that I deserve in life.
I guess it’s about quietening the inner critic too and being more loving with myself and the words I use in my head when I talk to myself. This is something new I am trying to practice. I hope and pray you all have strength during these challenging times and look out for your total well-being doing all you can to help yourself.
